Welcome, and thanks to those of you who visited my blog for my first posting. I have had tons of ideas coursing though my head since the last post. It soon became clear to me that before I delve into all of the tips and suggestions of how to manage triathlon and relationships, I need to lay some ground work. The most basic building block is, of course, communication and understanding what it is you and your mate need from each other.
It is my estimation, that the primary underlying cause of problems that may arise as a result of someone taking on a triathlon while in a relationship, is that the non-training mate feels like they are not getting what they need out of the deal. Dare I even say that they might feel less loved and cared for due to the increased demands the triathlete may be under? While this is aimed specifically at families and partners who are in the endurance world of athletics, I believe that this issue affects most of us.
I read a book a while back called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman that really changed the way that I think about showing love and affection. The basic premise is that all of us have a primary way of showing love to those around us. The problem is that two people may not have the same primary love language so they may not understand that what the other person is trying to do is show love and affection.
According to Chapman, the five love languages are
Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving/Giving of Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch
Keep in mind that not only is this how a mate may show love, but it is also how they want to be shown that they are loved. They show love in their primary language, but they also want to receive in the same language.
Let’s say that mate #1’s primary love language is Acts of Service and mate #2’s is Words of Affirmation. So mate #1 spends time doing things for their mate, fixing things for them, taking and picking things up for them, anything that is considered a service. Mate #2 tells their mate that they love them, they look great, are wonderful, etc. While both mates are showing that they love their mate, the other isn’t necessarily feeling the love the way that it is intended.
The first thing that you need to do is to determine your primary love language. What is it that someone can do for you that makes you feel the most loved? Also think of what you do to try to show your mate that you love them. I bet that what you do for your mate is what you want from them. Also keep in mind that while you have one primary love language, there are also more than likely two or more secondary love languages that work for you.
Next you need to talk to your partner and find out what their primary love language is. Just discussing this may make your head real, as you realize all of the things that they have been doing to show you that they love you, but you just didn’t realize it. The trick becomes learning how to converse in the other love languages. If you are a Physical Touch person and your mate is a Quality Time person, you are going to both have to give to the other in the other language.
It is also important to be appreciative of the way that your partner is showing their love. For instance, if you are an Acts of Service person and you have been doing things for your mate, and they don’t seem terribly appreciative it can feel like quite a slight. Of if you are a Physical Touch person and your mate isn’t interested at the moment, you may feel as if your attempt to show love is being rejected.
Also keep in mind that the five love languages are relevant to everyone we deal with, friends, children, parents, etc. Once I figured this out I was able to understand how the people I know have been trying to show me that they love me.
Take me and Craig as an example. I figured out that I am an Acts of Service person. I like to take care of things and do things for people. When I decide to do something for him, it is because I want to show him how much I love him. I think that Craig is a Gift Giving person. He has always gone to great, and I mean great lengths to put together amazingly meaningful gifts for me. I won’t bore all of you with what he has done, but he is out of this world when it comes to the gifts he gives. They are rarely pricy, but always meaningful.
So, in order for us to both feel like we are getting what we need, we need to speak a bit in the other’s love language. I need to put more effort into the gifts that I give him, and he needs to do some acts of service for me. AND we also need to respect and learn to converse in the others love language as well. I know that he appreciates all that I do for him and I appreciate all of the time and energy that he puts into his gifts.
Back to the world of Triathlon now….How does all of this impact my relationship and triathlon? Triathlon is a very time consuming activity. The time it takes has to come from somewhere and unless you have tons of it to spare, or a boss who is willing to pay you the same amount of money for less work, then more than likely it is probably coming from the time you have with family and friends. Therefore, you have to make sure that the time that you do have together is as meaningful and productive as possible. By knowing exactly how to show your mate how much you mean to them you can make every minute you have together count.
I am the first to admit that I am by no means an expert on any of this. It is on the job training for sure. I welcome thoughts that others have on this. I hope that this blog can open lines of communication between team mates, and their families.
Until Next Time,
Jen
Monday, May 26, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Welcome to My Blog!
Hello and Welcome to My Blog. As you could probably guess from the title, one of the primary topics covered by this blog will be in reference to how triathlon and Ironman relate to family life. It is a subject I have some experience with, after almost 10 years with an Ironman Triathlete. It is quite an adjustment to both a relationship and family life when one, or both parties decide to take on the demands of a triathlon, specifically a longer distance race. I can't even count the number of times that someone has told me that "there is no way that I could put up with my husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend/etc doing all of the training". Let me tell you, it is not something that I learned how to do overnight, in fact, I am still learning. An important note here is that I have suggestions for both the TriMate and the Triathlete. I do not propose that the TriMate just learn coping skills while the triathlete goes about their business. My suggestions require that both parties give and take.
Here is a bit about me...I have lived in Colorado since 1980, which considering my age (30), makes me as close to a native as possible. My husband, Craig and I met in college at the University of Northern Colorado in 1999. Our son, Grable was born in 2003. He is a handsome strawberry blonde boy with boundless energy, compassion beyond his years, and a smart and creative mind. I'm not biased at all, just so you know! I am currently working on a new career as a personal chef. I have always loved creating delicious and heartwarming meals. Prior to starting this business, I was the owner of a frozen organic baby food business called Little Potatoes Baby Food. It was a moderate success in the two years that it was in operation, having made it into Whole Foods Market and Wild Oats stores and achieving national news coverage from ABC News, The Wall Street Journal and Cookie Magazine. The demands of time were great and the return of income was minimal, so I made the tough decision to let go of Little Potatoes. The experience I gained, was more valuable than I could have ever imagined. Since letting go of L.P. I have been in a constant search for something else to fill the void. It was remarkably hard to go from feeling like I had created something wonderful that was pleasing parents and babies, receiving national recognition and well, just having something of my own, to being on the sidelines and assisting others. By recently following my true life long desire to become a chef, I have found a piece of that "something" that I let go of with Little Potatoes.
About my Triathlete...Craig Howie, my soul mate, best friend and true love, is also an phenomenal triathlete. He has been doing triathlon for over 10 years, has completed 6 Ironmans, including 3 of them to the Big Island. He is an incredibly dedicated athlete, who is also blessed with pure natural talent. The remarkable thing is that despite his talent and race resume, he is the most humble and respectful person I know. Craig is one of those people who has a dream, knows what it takes to achieve it and does/is doing what it takes to achieve this dream. I have tremendous faith in Craig and have made it one of my goals to support him in every way possible.
We also have an endurance athletics coaching service, called the Howie Endurance Project. Craig is the amazing coach, while I maintain the business side of it. We have been doing this for 3 years and things are going great. We have helped many athletes of all ability levels achieve their goals in these 3 years. The greatest thing is that it has evolved far beyond a group of individual clients into a team of athletes and their families.
So, check back here for tips and insight on how to make the life with Triathlon work for you. I will also be posting recipes, both naughty and nice for the family to enjoy.
Cheers!
Jen
Here is a bit about me...I have lived in Colorado since 1980, which considering my age (30), makes me as close to a native as possible. My husband, Craig and I met in college at the University of Northern Colorado in 1999. Our son, Grable was born in 2003. He is a handsome strawberry blonde boy with boundless energy, compassion beyond his years, and a smart and creative mind. I'm not biased at all, just so you know! I am currently working on a new career as a personal chef. I have always loved creating delicious and heartwarming meals. Prior to starting this business, I was the owner of a frozen organic baby food business called Little Potatoes Baby Food. It was a moderate success in the two years that it was in operation, having made it into Whole Foods Market and Wild Oats stores and achieving national news coverage from ABC News, The Wall Street Journal and Cookie Magazine. The demands of time were great and the return of income was minimal, so I made the tough decision to let go of Little Potatoes. The experience I gained, was more valuable than I could have ever imagined. Since letting go of L.P. I have been in a constant search for something else to fill the void. It was remarkably hard to go from feeling like I had created something wonderful that was pleasing parents and babies, receiving national recognition and well, just having something of my own, to being on the sidelines and assisting others. By recently following my true life long desire to become a chef, I have found a piece of that "something" that I let go of with Little Potatoes.
About my Triathlete...Craig Howie, my soul mate, best friend and true love, is also an phenomenal triathlete. He has been doing triathlon for over 10 years, has completed 6 Ironmans, including 3 of them to the Big Island. He is an incredibly dedicated athlete, who is also blessed with pure natural talent. The remarkable thing is that despite his talent and race resume, he is the most humble and respectful person I know. Craig is one of those people who has a dream, knows what it takes to achieve it and does/is doing what it takes to achieve this dream. I have tremendous faith in Craig and have made it one of my goals to support him in every way possible.
We also have an endurance athletics coaching service, called the Howie Endurance Project. Craig is the amazing coach, while I maintain the business side of it. We have been doing this for 3 years and things are going great. We have helped many athletes of all ability levels achieve their goals in these 3 years. The greatest thing is that it has evolved far beyond a group of individual clients into a team of athletes and their families.
So, check back here for tips and insight on how to make the life with Triathlon work for you. I will also be posting recipes, both naughty and nice for the family to enjoy.
Cheers!
Jen
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