A Starting Point...

Welcome, and thanks to those of you who visited my blog for my first posting. I have had tons of ideas coursing though my head since the last post. It soon became clear to me that before I delve into all of the tips and suggestions of how to manage triathlon and relationships, I need to lay some ground work. The most basic building block is, of course, communication and understanding what it is you and your mate need from each other.

It is my estimation, that the primary underlying cause of problems that may arise as a result of someone taking on a triathlon while in a relationship, is that the non-training mate feels like they are not getting what they need out of the deal. Dare I even say that they might feel less loved and cared for due to the increased demands the triathlete may be under? While this is aimed specifically at families and partners who are in the endurance world of athletics, I believe that this issue affects most of us.

I read a book a while back called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman that really changed the way that I think about showing love and affection. The basic premise is that all of us have a primary way of showing love to those around us. The problem is that two people may not have the same primary love language so they may not understand that what the other person is trying to do is show love and affection.

According to Chapman, the five love languages are

Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving/Giving of Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch

Keep in mind that not only is this how a mate may show love, but it is also how they want to be shown that they are loved. They show love in their primary language, but they also want to receive in the same language.

Let’s say that mate #1’s primary love language is Acts of Service and mate #2’s is Words of Affirmation. So mate #1 spends time doing things for their mate, fixing things for them, taking and picking things up for them, anything that is considered a service. Mate #2 tells their mate that they love them, they look great, are wonderful, etc. While both mates are showing that they love their mate, the other isn’t necessarily feeling the love the way that it is intended.

The first thing that you need to do is to determine your primary love language. What is it that someone can do for you that makes you feel the most loved? Also think of what you do to try to show your mate that you love them. I bet that what you do for your mate is what you want from them. Also keep in mind that while you have one primary love language, there are also more than likely two or more secondary love languages that work for you.
Next you need to talk to your partner and find out what their primary love language is. Just discussing this may make your head real, as you realize all of the things that they have been doing to show you that they love you, but you just didn’t realize it. The trick becomes learning how to converse in the other love languages. If you are a Physical Touch person and your mate is a Quality Time person, you are going to both have to give to the other in the other language.

It is also important to be appreciative of the way that your partner is showing their love. For instance, if you are an Acts of Service person and you have been doing things for your mate, and they don’t seem terribly appreciative it can feel like quite a slight. Of if you are a Physical Touch person and your mate isn’t interested at the moment, you may feel as if your attempt to show love is being rejected.

Also keep in mind that the five love languages are relevant to everyone we deal with, friends, children, parents, etc. Once I figured this out I was able to understand how the people I know have been trying to show me that they love me.

Take me and Craig as an example. I figured out that I am an Acts of Service person. I like to take care of things and do things for people. When I decide to do something for him, it is because I want to show him how much I love him. I think that Craig is a Gift Giving person. He has always gone to great, and I mean great lengths to put together amazingly meaningful gifts for me. I won’t bore all of you with what he has done, but he is out of this world when it comes to the gifts he gives. They are rarely pricy, but always meaningful.

So, in order for us to both feel like we are getting what we need, we need to speak a bit in the other’s love language. I need to put more effort into the gifts that I give him, and he needs to do some acts of service for me. AND we also need to respect and learn to converse in the others love language as well. I know that he appreciates all that I do for him and I appreciate all of the time and energy that he puts into his gifts.

Back to the world of Triathlon now….How does all of this impact my relationship and triathlon? Triathlon is a very time consuming activity. The time it takes has to come from somewhere and unless you have tons of it to spare, or a boss who is willing to pay you the same amount of money for less work, then more than likely it is probably coming from the time you have with family and friends. Therefore, you have to make sure that the time that you do have together is as meaningful and productive as possible. By knowing exactly how to show your mate how much you mean to them you can make every minute you have together count.

I am the first to admit that I am by no means an expert on any of this. It is on the job training for sure. I welcome thoughts that others have on this. I hope that this blog can open lines of communication between team mates, and their families.

Until Next Time,

Jen